It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
