I'm passing your future prison.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
