Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
