True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
