Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
