we're blogging at a bar
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
