I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
