it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
