Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
