apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
