True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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