I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
