I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
