I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
