I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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