Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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