she was so not down for the gang bang
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Randomize
