lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so let's talk penis.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
