There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
