i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
