The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
