i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
it's like heaven, but drunker
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
