So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
