I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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