That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
