Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
