she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
