Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
