They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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