The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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