I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
