Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
