if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
