I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
