omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
