I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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