so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
