The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
