Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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