I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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