Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
