Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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