I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
