she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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