So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
