i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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