roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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