I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
