Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
