we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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