Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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