I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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