ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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