Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
