Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i've created a new STD.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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